BAPTISM

Fear of the unknown is a terrible thing
That's why baptisms fill me with worry
One minute he's fast asleep in your arms
The next , he's screeching like a canary

You nervously smile and somebody smiles back
As the redness descends to your navel
And you wish you were somewhere else , not here
When he tugs at the minister's Bible

It would all have been fine but the relatives came
And took all the available seating
And if Junior is bad , I've some unmarried aunts
Who'll remind me about it all evening

I remember last time , everything's going fine
'Till the vicar decides to show 'handsome'
So off down the aisle he parades with a smile
And not even a note for the ransom

The Lord bless thee and keep thee , what a wonderful sound
The whole service had such a good spirit
Just a pity we had to give him four names
To please both sets of grandparents