OFFERING

The choir had just begun to sing
When I was overcome with fear
The offering envelope I had brought
Had mysteriously disappeared

I hunted jacket inside out
And trouser pockets too
I even held my nose and checked
Inside my slip-on shoe

And as collector closer came
The sweat ran down my side
Imagine the indignity
Of waving him on by

I'd be the talk of all the church
And laughing stock there too
Unless some grand excuse I'd find
To rise and leave my pew

But time passed quicker than my brain
The offering plate arrived
And then the envelope appeared
Before disbelieving eyes

I turned around with some relief
She'd had it all the while
I whispered 'Thank-you' to my wife
And she gave me a knowing smile

COUNTDOWN

Twelve disciples
Eleven good
Ten lepers
Nine rude
Eight sailing in Gopher wood
Seven days
Six used
Five smooth stones from the brook
Four Gospels
Three days
Two roads
One way

READ AND PRAY

Now I lay me down to sleep
Thank You for the food we eat
These two prayers I use each day
How can you say that I don't pray
And every Sunday from the pew
The Lord's Prayer I repeat right through

For God so loved the world , I know
Is from the New and not the Old
Abram nearly killed his son
At Jericho the walls fell down
And the birth of Jesus is quite nice
I read that every Christmas time

I know you think that I'm all wrong
Your eyes are sad and your face is long
Because my prayers are only three
And the Bible's not so clear to me
But before you start to criticise
Remember that I'm only five

GOD'S NOT DEAD

God's not dead
Just badly hurt
By all the rumours going round
That say He's finished
Soon demised
It would make anybody frown

God's not dead
Just badly hurt
By all the friends He thought He had
Who all agreed
When persecuted
It was just a passing fad

God's not dead
Just badly hurt
That we should treat His son the same
When time has passed
And wounds have healed
We'll probably do the same again

God's not dead
Just badly hurt
But no victory comes without a price
I'd rather be wounded and winning
Than making the ultimate sacrifice