OFFERING

The choir had just begun to sing
When I was overcome with fear
The offering envelope I had brought
Had mysteriously disappeared

I hunted jacket inside out
And trouser pockets too
I even held my nose and checked
Inside my slip-on shoe

And as collector closer came
The sweat ran down my side
Imagine the indignity
Of waving him on by

I'd be the talk of all the church
And laughing stock there too
Unless some grand excuse I'd find
To rise and leave my pew

But time passed quicker than my brain
The offering plate arrived
And then the envelope appeared
Before disbelieving eyes

I turned around with some relief
She'd had it all the while
I whispered 'Thank-you' to my wife
And she gave me a knowing smile